First semester of this year was masher, did the best in school than I ever had before.
I had motivation, I fought to try to get into nursing. I want it still, I want it real good. I don't quite know where to find the motivation knowing I am going to have to probably sacrifice a year for surgeries that need to be done. It is a momentum breaker (a derailer if you will). I am finding faith in life, and that eventually I will get where I want to. That is something I have never experienced.
Realistically I could do the 3 surgeries and other procedures during the year. I choose not to endure that whilst trying to balance school. My focus is off kilter already, what happens if I try during that time period. Could possibly ruin my future (or some sociological feigned idea of a future.)
It can only affect me negatively, and probably worsen my already steadily increasing anxiety. My mind is foggy, I am eating poorly and don't care much for anything right now. I am at the preface of my mental health hitting the shitter. I am digging my way out of it slowly. Everyone around me has their problems, no matter how big or how small they get through it.
I find motivation from my family, my significant other and some friends.
The surgeries they will do include; taking multiple pieces (or frames) of my jaw out and resetting and aligning them. They say a 5-7 week recovery. 5-7 weeks of me not talking (might be beneficial for everyone who talks to me.) Fun fact: the anesthetic has begun to change a bit, and what that change is. It is an adverse reaction which the body inhibits the Vasopressin hormone, or the Antidiuretic hormone. This hormone is crucial for absorption, which is a very very important part of the urinary system. So, it inhibits the ability to urinate right out of surgery. The body typically likes to do that. They now put the catheter in before the surgery in most cases. Catheter is the worst pain I have ever experienced (through 17-20 surgeries).
Second surgery is one I have had done before, bone grafting.They will take whatever bone I have left in either hip and put more bone into the roof of my mouth so boogers, and stuff will stop flowing freely through my nasal canal and nasopharynx. Eliminated any problems I might have with it. Which is about a 4 week healing period for my hip. and 8 weeks for my mouth. Which means I have a steady diet of Boost.
The removal of most of my hip bone at this age will likely mean a hip replacement sooner rather than later for me. That is nothing I feel particularly awesome about.
These surgeries are major, they can change my life. They will literally change how I feel day to day. The jaw surgery also has the potential to change my voice. How about that.
I want to feel healthy before I worry about my future. Pressures will always remain on schooling and education at my age. That is the sad truth. For that reason, my mental health has been affected greatly.
I'll write another blogpost for February 12th. Any Bell carriers should text whomever the hell you want. Mental health is a crisis and is never looked at seriously.