Friday, October 24, 2014

I wish I was dumber

Let me preface this with this: Yes, I am smarter than you. No, you shouldn't feel bad. I'm probably more athletic, have a better job. I have a bigger Johnson then you.. And also a bigger dick (badumtsch). I am better than you at every facet.

^^^^

That person is not me (sub the Dick part, I am huge).

... Right?

I look at everyone around me as better. Maybe, it is conditioning. Maybe it is biological. Maybe it is cultural. It probably isn't Maybelline.

I look at everyone around me as better
I look at everyone around me as better.

I go to my old workplace, people I work with who have a slight pay raise. All the sudden better.
I go to school, overhear people talk about grades. A C- is better. The fucking letter grade could be a W. And I'd be like fuck I'm dumb.

This is one of the major things that plague me the most. I think I am smarter than what I am. I think I am dumber than what I am. I am never happy with my knowledge, my abilities or my thoughts. I can't sleep. But... Suddenly I see your asshole toddler having a nap, I feel such emptiness. "That kid can take a mean nap, and a mean dump all at once and I can't even sleep." I eat. I eat unhealthy. I eat healthy. I eat. I judge everything I eat on how I feel after I have eaten... Da fuq is that.

That's me. I wish I was dumber.

I wouldn't psychoanalyze every waking moment of my life. I do. This sinks me lower into my depression. It sinks it's teeth into me like I'm a burger on David Hasslehoff's binge night.

That stark realism that most of the time I don't know what stark means. But, you will understand what I mean. I'll compulsively look that up though. Immediately get angry that I didn't know that. Such anger that a toddler who woke up with a mean dook in his pants would have.

What I'm saying is. I wish I was dumber in most cases, or at least less likely to psychoanalyze myself.


And I want to be able to take a dump in my pants while I sleep without judgment.

Best Regards,

Devon

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