Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Dysthymia and Type A personality

I am competitive, I have gamer rage, I put far too much pressure on myself.

As a result, I raise my core temperature and help send my body into a frenzied state and ultimately feel like a big pile of shit. Sorry, 'poop'. It is something I have done my entire life, and as of recently it takes it to the next level. I am unsure if my ulcer is making me nauseous (or even exists), or if it is my own personality.

Puts stress on my heart, pancreas, liver and kidneys. Which are pretty important.

I suffer from Dysthymia which I hadn't known until Psych 105 this year.

Dysthymia is the suffering of depression; however, unlike depression it is never constant. It is about every 1-2 months I feel severe anxiety or depression for 2 or 3 weeks.

Which all and all isn't bad. It keeps me quite humbled, I never feel invincible or the need to be better than anyone else. I live day to day thanking the people along the way and finding ways to place positive spins on everything. I have tried very hard recently to focus on the latter. Regardless of how hard that can be sometimes. With type A personality I feel the need to preoccupy my time, and when I play videogames it does that. Later on I begin to feel the feeling of why do I play video games because at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything.

This is me, everyone has their vices, and mine is competitiveness and frustration at the tiniest things which paints me in quite the shade. Constantly looking for relief or something to take my mind off of those little things.

I take breaks from writing my blog because it is during that time I don't feel anxiety and have not much of a reason. These blogs become my own journal and tabs of how I feel from week to week.


As you follow and learn about me, I learn about myself in ways I wouldn't have known unless I put it into words.


If I wouldn't have started this blog to document my feelings I have no clue where I would be.

Thanks to those who read it and thanks to those who have taken time to get to know me.

Regards,

Devon

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Blog Changes and New Identity

Big changes coming on the blog front. Settle down, I will take questions after the show.

I ask that you hold your applause.

I have decided to change the name from something that is a vulgar display of immaturity to something that is clean, friendly, and user friendly.

Reasons for this is because I have received a bunch of positive responses to the blog and hope to reach more people than just those around me. As I will begin to broadcast it to twitter and awaiting response from Bell Let's Talk foundation about releasing it on their twitter feed.

As well my posts will focus more around what I started, that being a really long droll approach to anxiety and other things involved with such.

As I change as a human being, My blog will change with me. One day I hope I could do something like this full time. I have a feeling identifying with the masses and being lowkey could save a life or improve someones day.

Thanks for your kind words all, I will continue to bring the noise.

Depression hurts. But it should never kill.

Suicide is not the answer.

Link to the Canadian suicide prevention centre. http://www.suicideprevention.ca/

Regards,

Devon Hunt

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Hey, things could be worse

This is the phrase I've heard my entire life, from virtually everyone possibly including Mr. Roger's and Elmo.

So, I gave that Tickle Me Elmo a bitch slap. Well, that was a flat joke. On to the next set of brutal jokes.

Let me preface this that I have a remarkable family surrounding and a list of close friends. Who are close friends because I toss aside the other asshats or talk to me about why don't I drink. Or other things like why are you not wearing pants on the bus. Or, sir you cannot take your pants off at this poker table. I said pardon and went to the poker room. How I got there I'll never know. Or going to a nude beach and them telling me to take my pants off. Regardless, I live on the edge (my room playing video games and writing a blog that maybe 1 person reads?).

I've learned over the last couple years something I had no idea I had. I learned to utilize my patience and talk to people. Everyone is on this wonderful earth for one reason, disregard money Obtain women. Especially lesbians.

I am an open book to anyone I meet for the first point, I don't keep a whole lot secret. I am quite glad I do this. People know how weird, and obscure I am. What high school does is it allows douches to shove their giant wieners at people to make them feel insecure. Masking what would be their insecurity. People don't know how to break away from that after all is said and done.

With an ulcer, needing to eat every 2 hours so I don't throw up and my legs in the worst shape they have been I have a remarkably positive outlook on life. I've learned to take everything negative in stride and learn to forgive the people who deserve it. I take the positives that I might have been told on some weird passing comments and embrace them.

Sure I have a terrible voice, can't sing, my body is disproportionate, kind of fat but not tragic avalanche fat and am a grade A asshole. Most notably my face isn't the average looking face. I have a small upper lip an ear that stands up and one that is tying its shoe. Someone wants to chirp over physical appearance it is them who feels like shit at the end of the day. But, I recognize these and try to better myself and live contently. Something that people cannot do regularly and cause themselves unnecessary stress and anxiety.

I've been told somewhere I have a soul, I give good advice, and can protect the ones I love. I do all this by waking up from my 2 hours of sleep I might get and say things could be worse. The average depression sufferer will say it is the worst and no one lives like me. I've said the same things, but it is so easy to see the bright side of life. I am by no means optimistic. Example, I am shitting my pants over work tomorrow thinking my camera is gonna turn into a horse and fuck up my day. Or the computers will turn into Michael Clarke Duncan from the Green Mile. I pick up my pessimism from the people around me.

One thing depression sufferers have the advantage of is being able to talk to others who feel depressed or be able to sense it from other people. In the end most of them come to some sort of contentment and learn to help the masses. Which is my ultimate goal for my blog. 

So, if you feel empty or have no goal orientation just remember things could be worse. Assuming you live in Canada we have free healthcare, which means you can sit in a medicentre and get some level of treatment to ease your troubled mind. Even if you don't, people in third world countries have legit problems. If that's too farfetched, there is families that live off of 2 parents working in restaurants on minimum wage. Barely able to buy diapers or food. People with cancer. People who lose limbs to disease and freak accidents. People losing vision and hearing from hereditary diseases or weird events. Probably your worst scenario is you could be dead, leaving behind the ones you love. The ones who need you in your life to talk to, to love you, to care for you. Live is worth living no matter what.

Regards,

Devon


Rest In Peace Junior Seau.