Monday, February 26, 2018

Disintegrating

I do not make friends easily, it is part of my flaws. Being afraid of having friends to disappoint. Overthink if I said the wrong joke (most of the times I did). Beginning to see after 25 years of anger, frustration and general sadness. Friends lift you up. Friends become ingrained in your culture. No matter the walks of life, race or sex. Being a friend is the best thing you can do today, tomorrow and everyday,

I also have become aware of how terrifying this blog gets. In my mind, in my life and the dichotomy of anxiety and depression. I do not hold much against the people I trust. I found it easier to end friendships before communicating. I wish I was a better friend. I wish I was a better person.

I am not an example of what I thought I would be. I am not successful, I am not well liked. I do enough to get by. I'm not sure when I stopped fighting. Everyday of my life was a fight. Eventually you get tired of fighting... Finding that switch is hard. Wanting to turn it back on is harder.

Regards,

Devon