Monday, January 7, 2013

The Power Struggle in school and its affects on mental health

It is that time of year, spent too much. Enjoyed the holiday and had the world dropped on you. It gets hard not to be cynical at this time of year. Lack of sleep, new courses, what to expect, the worries and stress of it all. It is what some of us live for. I for one, do not enjoy it. I liked living a mundane 9-5 5 days a week job, regardless of pay or how shitty it gets. The unpredictable and unknown that comes with school is unbearable

I hit a low the days leading up to school, in fact it was the lowest I have felt since I decided to deal with my depression. I even put off writing out my feelings. Which is not a positive sign. I am plugging away at all of it in hopes to better understand myself. School isn't just a really fucking expensive education, it is a very expensive way to learn about yourself.

The change of semesters brought in my extreme frustrations with the most menial of tasks. Brought in such sarcasm and hostility towards others. Brought in tendencies that I had hoped to have long abandoned. It is a struggle with everyday life in school. I want to help others, I want to be a voice of reason, I'm kicking around thoughts about how I can share my experience and at the same time get others experience in a real world setting

The issue with school is boiled down to power. Who has the power? Professors teach (sometimes) and are the reason why their is students. Administrators bring in the students. Without the students there would be no teachers. The president does something, not sure what. But, they have to in order to live in a giant mansion.

(most) Teachers stand behind a podium and dictate, use projectors and almost anything to assert some sort of power. The podium represents a shield/barrier. This is the line, this is where I earned my degree and can talk to you like I am above you. Only 2 profs I have had have not taught from a podium. Both Ph.D's in political science. The intimidation of this, is almost surreal. It is at a subconscious level, so much so in fact that it brings on panic attacks and anxiety without an answer.

Students are at power with their own mind. How am I going to do on the midterm? Who controls my fate? it is my destiny? to catch them all? sorry... Trailed off.

Students 'knowledge' is based on how much information they can memorize through repetition and then regurgitate it. Where is the education? I myself can say, I only remember a few things from my last 3 semesters... All of them were memorized through regurgitation and remembered through association. You ask me how something works, or write an essay. I can guarantee you will get your answer in a much more informed answer. People dumber than a stick who shouldn't be in university will always do far better than I will.

That is bothersome, the state which the education system is in, is almost disgusting. It hasn't changed, it won't changed. In fact, it will become more structured and concrete over time. Where there is no wiggle room. Where profs who have earned a Ph.D will end up having a curriculum made up for them, powerpoints and all.

Does anyone care in post secondary institutions? not at all. These are the same people who will willingly take 175-250 dollars from you just to read your name on a paper then crush your dreams? Found money for universities, hard earned money you are trying to further your career with.

I have become much more cynical in many facets, I am working on remaining positive in my mind. That's all I have some kind of control over. It is hard not to be misanthropic towards the education system (and its lack of funding), economy, and the politics of it all. There is politics in every day life. Right from Kindergarten.

In conclusion, everyone who enjoys school is either very naive or some kind of weirdo. Joking. It is a power struggle, it takes a few days to notice it and even a few years to fully understand it all. I hope everyone enjoys their semester and remains positive. Don't let it affect your mental health, like it did me over break. Enjoy the little things, pause, reflect and put the nose to the grindstone.

Best Regards,
Devon 

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