Filling up and going on empty

Hi, I'm depressed.

I do not need to prove it, I do not need to yell it. I feel it differently from the next person. As of recently there is a large push from an uneducated side of the population that is trying to dramatically reduce the number of depression sufferers. By lying, they can state that a person who is just having a bad day or a bad week is having just that... A bad day or a bad week.

Granted, those days will make you feel depressed, worthless and beat down.

You are not alone. That is what depression feels like. Whether it is sporadic or constant, it doesn't matter. Depression is real. Depression is dangerous.

I medicate to sleep. I medicate to work, I medicate to survive. I am 23 years old. I am tired. I am beat.

I may never find resolution or an end to it.

As of recently, I am hiding it more and more. I'm disconnected. isolated and rejecting. My reasons are two fold:

I have broad shoulders, I am carrying all I can and then some
I am the armor. I cannot crack. I cannot show.

It is becoming taxing on me, my body and my mind.

A hiatus from life results in me working a mundane job. Slowly watching wasted talent fall through the ground. That is a harsh realization that life has brought upon me.

I am unaware of how to show it, how to say it. I struggle just to be it.

I'm in a limbo. I'm depressed. I'm proud I am making my way through until my surgery. I'm sad that I cannot share this information with the ones I love. I'm lost within myself and who I am.

I don't have to carry everything. I do it because I have never had a father figure who would do the same. I am trying to be my own man, making mistakes and stubbornly ignoring the lessons that result.

I'm mending towards being happy.

There is more of a battle for me ahead than I can ever tell you. Or, that you will ever be able to know.

For those who carry the weight of those around you, I salute you.
For those who are depressed and talk to their loved ones. I salute you.
For those who love and understand depression. I salute you.

Much love and respect.

Best Regards,

Devon