I have always had problems with
mental health, whatever the age. It is something I have struggled with most of
my life, being born with Bilateral Cleft Lip and Palate and looking ‘different’
from other children really kicked their spokes into gear. I was raised in a
very nurturing household, I was given almost anything I asked for and was
brought up to never judge anyone. I was never given the same respect. I missed
my first year of high school for my seventeenth surgery and was put behind all
of my friends. This is when I first experienced some form of serious anxiety. The
sweaty palms, paranoia, uneasy feeling, and it got to the point where I
developed a peptic ulcer. I bottled it for 3 years, until eventually it
consumed me. February twelfth of last year marked the first time I wanted any
sort of mental health, and for that matter had even opened up about it. On
“Bell Let’s Talk day” I started my blog; I became human at that moment.
Vulnerability is something I did not like, but the blog left me vulnerable. I
wrote about anything, I wrote about the little nuances in life and how I can
deal with them. I wrote about current events and tried to tie them into my own
life. It was refreshing and made me feel alive. I felt like a contributing
member of society. It does not seem like much, but I got out there. Not being
hidden by the veil of internet anonymity made me feel that much more empowered.
I chose to start my blog for the
simple reason that I could not figure out a way to deal with the ebbs and flows
of mental health. I never wanted to get professional health. I knew if I found
a channel that I could get my information out, I would feel better. More
importantly, I could help those around me suffering from bad mental health or
loved ones with bad mental health. I was raised to help those around me. I
wanted this, badly. Not to have it be told to me, just to know someone has read
it and reflected it on their own life. Once mental health can be grasped at a
minimal level, the rest of the dimensions can be put into realistic terms.
The greatest difference I had
noticed in my abilities since I started the blog is that other dimensions of
health naturally fell into place. I began to rationalize every moment of my
life, and learned from those moments. Even the darkest moments shed some sort
of brightness in my everyday life. It directly affected my social health. I
began to accept my life, and focus more on the relationship with my girlfriend.
I no longer am misanthropic; I became a productive member of society and talked
to everyone with the simple respect they deserved. Which is what I deviated
from as I grew older, I enjoyed being able to relate again. It reinforced my
values. I do not drink, do not smoke, and those remained high on my values.
This changed how I felt emotionally, I was happy for the first time in years. I
was happy with the person I had become. I was happy when I looked in the
mirror. I gained self-respect and self-esteem from writing out my feelings.
Something so small and innocent like a blog can completely change the mindset
of a human being is completely mind-boggling. I learned to communicate clearly
and concise with the people around me. My ‘never trust anyone’ ways had slowly
gone the way of the Passenger Pigeon. There is a certain level of pessimism and
cynicism that spawns from depression and anxiety. I am still working on these.
Spiritual health may be the hardest one to change for a human being. My back
against the wall for nineteen years of life greatly affected how my life was
lived. I had thought the world was against me from day one. I had finally begun
to make headway when I realized I cannot control some aspects of my life.
Because of that, life is fragile and hard to understand. “This too shall pass”
this is in my mind every day of my life now. Living with positivity is
something that comes later, in most people it is not a switch you can flip.
If I reflected on my decision today,
it becomes priceless. You don’t really know how close you are to death until
you reach that moment. You make a conscious choice to get help; one way or the
other, sadly. I realize this wellness assignment was to do something in the
month of January and write about that. I am coming up on the one year
anniversary of getting help, of living a healthier lifestyle. I could not see a
better way to celebrate that than with an academic paper. It is priceless
because it taught me so much about my life. It has had a positive effect on
school life, family life, and my social health.
In conclusion, I made myself a
better human being through writing out what I am thinking. I affected the rest
of my life positively, including school. I am learning more than just the
curriculum of a course in school now. I am learning from every individual
experience I have with peers and professors. It is no longer just education to
get a job. It is the understanding of intricacies at play when attending a
post-secondary institution. It has taught me a lot of how my mind works. It has
motivated me to exercise regularly and stop blaming my problems on other
people. There is no challenge too small now. I have motivation to enter my
faculty of choice instead of trying to find the easiest route. I am still
affected by anxiety, but I no longer run from it. I am learning how to harness
the benefits of some anxiety in life. It is almost surreal how much I have
learned about myself.
The activity I have chosen to do my
wellness assignment on, is writing a blog. It has changed my life. It opened my
eyes to a whole different world. It allowed me dig into my philanthropic side.
The ability to help those without knowing is something I crave. If you choose
to tell me that is great. Anyone can write a blog, anyone can put words into a
screen. I have suggested numerous people start one. I read other blogs; I learn
from others experiences as well. The internet has not always been the
friendliest, but it is how any one person can get a point across. Have their
opinion read, and is changing the face of psychosocial habits and behaviors.
I
hope it will change how we think, and how we view society and technology as a
whole. Thank you for reading this blog post.
References
Rikidus.blogspot.ca. “Wacky Waving Anger Boner Posts”. Retrieved January 27 2013
Bell
Media. “Bell Let’s Talk” Bell.ca.
Retrieved January 27 2013
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