Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Drive

There is not a lot in my life I am proud of. I am proud of the people around me. I am proud of my wife, my friends and whatever is left of my family. I make $160 dollars a week in a field that is on life support. I do not have a driver's license, I haven't had a full time job for 3 years and my depression absolutely cripples me. I have not felt this down in a few years. I want so much more out of life. But, sometimes it is too much. It is too encapsulating. I have never thought of myself as lazy, unmotivated or slothful.

But, at a certain point, breaks make themselves and if you are not paying attention they go away. I'm not there, mentally. I've never been sure of my abilities. I've never been capable of seeing where life could take me. It is where I am now. Focusing on that is what truly kicks everything into overdrive. I am not a handyman or whatever bullshit a man should be at birth. I cannot cook, I cannot be anything remotely artistic. I am good at video games. What a sentence. I am good at time wasting.

One day I will figure out life. But, killing time for the last 8 years and not setting myself up for success is what truly bugs me. I do not know if that is a product of me or what I thought my life was going to be. It is reality at this point. I'm under-qualified for "adult jobs". I am overqualified for grunt jobs. Only thing I am qualified at is annoying my wife.

Be what you want to be out of life. Cause the moment you lose the desire to want, you lose the desire to be better.

Best Regards,

Devon