Erosion and Drift

Everyday is a struggle, everyday is a day in which I wonder what can change, or what will change.

I am learning to become less controlling of my surroundings. When you do that, you truly lose sight to how beautiful peace of mind is. As well, you lose the ability to have a firm grasp on your mental state. You are unable to differentiate hurt from good, or pain from want. There is a certain balance, which you have heard before. But, the fact remains all of us have no idea what we are meant to do. Perhaps that is where the keys to life lie.

If we are unable to control ourselves maybe we drift into a conscious being. We are all creatures of habit. People talk about change, people want change? or do they, I'm not sure. I've always been a believer in: Change is Good, whatever the cost.

However, I do not think change is always positive. Change can make you feel alive and proper. But, are you solving the issues? You live day to day, not year to year. I for one have never learned how to live day for day. And that reason is why I live such a anxiety-ridden existence.

I affect those around me. Those I love, those I talk to, and even those I don't talk to. I cut people out, they drift out of my life so I just cut it immediately. That is something I'm working on. 2 friendships I fight for daily, for people that ordinarily would have been gone.

Everyone is a critic, everyone has their gripes with others. People deal with anxiety and depression. As much as the phrase "You are not alone" meant to Michael Jackson, it does not have the same effect on those who suffer depression. In all honesty, I am alone. Because like me; my depression is dynamic. It changes, it is different. In literal terms: No, I'm not alone. I never said I was.






The realest thing that can be said,
is what you don't want to hear.





So no, my friends who read and struggle with this. You are alone, you are able to talk. Even airing your grievances is better than bottling them up. Talk to people, they might not know shit about you. They may not even care. But, in that moment when someone has their undivided attention on you. That is when you feel like there is something right in the world.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.

Thanks.
Best Regards,

Devon.