Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2 spoiler/review

Holy man, where to start. This movie starts off with Bella looking around and stuff in detail, enjoying her surroundings then BAM close up of Robert Pattinson. Laughed my ass off, then they bring in Taylor Lautner as some kind of sad Keanu type dude to sit there and look like a ripped douchewad. Surprisingly he plays that well. Then we get into the fun part, the kid that she had with... uh. Anyways that kid looks so horribly CGI'd in some parts, I have no idea if they used a real kid but it looked weird as hell. (even coming from me). So they progress in some shit, or something I dunno, I was too busy laughing at the horrible effects and getting dirty looks.

Let me preface all of this by saying I had zero expectations going in, and it surpassed those expectations in the wrong direction. So after the kid pretends to contribute to anything, the big clown looking dude starts talking to whom I am told is his father. I call him the metro walking H and M guy. Then they do a hilarious comedy bit where bella starts breaking boulders like donkey kong. Which I lost it at that part. It was the equivalent of watching gallagher but like awkward, skinny and gross. So they get passed that shit and then some weird shit isn't explained at all then all of the sudden this Peewee Herman look a like comes in. Starts babbling doing perv faces the whole time. I'm sitting there confused as balls. Then I'm like woo! Maggie Grace, I'M NOT EVEN SURE SHE HAD DIALOGUE. So then she sees which if I saw this I would freak the fuck out to. But, that....kid who has now aged 10 years in 2 days. Jump for a fucking snowflake Space Jam style. So she goes back to peewee herman in the movie theatre he is in. He starts teleporting, I am sitting there like WTF mate. So then they try to force a very stupid and poorly constructed plotline after that. Which until that, there was none. Just a bunch of vampires circle jerking about how Kirsten Stewart has probably banged everyone on that set, at different times... Or the same time

So after the peewee herman finishes in his chamber he decides to bring in the first bout of racism. "the blackrobes" are a group of, thuggish type people in... Blackrobes. Fuck, stephanie Meyer should write more. She seems to be worth every penny. So these blackrobes are pissed, and have no brains so they go out like zombies to hunt these people. Then Bella or whats her tits gets a message which really doesn't translate to shit. it should say "people coming, go now." So, then they get taylor lautner to try to seduce her father or some shit by undressing and turning into a wolf.

Then something completely random happens, and they say they think she is Immortal, and they need proof by getting hear say from the rest of the fucking freaky vampires. Then with no backstory all of these vampires from india, and the racism part 2 amazon show up, and have super powers? what in the fuck is going on. Then they jerk off over their powers for about 20 minutes. And all of this time they don't fucking eat taylor lautner, that guy got his moneys worth, he is as talentless as Donald Trump. So continuing on, they start making o faces around this time at random scenes. Not sure if it was intentional. Then they get the italian guy to talk like Dracula for some dumbfuck reason. and his friend talks as if he has a lisp with peanut butter in his mouth. They all "witness" this kid has blood in her veins which is pretty fucking obvious by the blood in her cheeks.

Then the movie ends with a big meeting in Vancouver somewhere, and the peewee herman pedophile wants more of that kid (for later one can only assume) so he brings her over, and she is like bitch you can't read my mind Imma touch your face. And all the sudden he is just fine with it. Then the movie could've ended, but because they didn't want people like me who were dragged there to leave empty handed they bring in hot ass ashley greene to be all hot and shit. Then they initiate an imaginary battle, where it is basically Mortal Kombat fatalities everywhere, it goes back and everyone just leaves. But not before they bring in the most racist part of the movie, an aboriginal dude dressed in nothing but feathers, beads and a loincloth.  Ends on a montage. End of the fucking movie

Alright to the review, first of all, these movies are the absolute worst, vampire movies are more overdone than Zombie shits. So, they overcompensate the awkward acting by bringing in people with no backstory, or any plot behind them besides the fact they are bodies for the last scene. Nothing about this movie really makes any sense, they have superpowers as well as being vampires. The scenes where they run look incredibly poor. And for some reason, they drive a god damn volvo instead of running places? Why?


How do they get away with this crap, it is almost criminal, embarrassing is what it is.

I wish I could make this more comedic, but me writing a blogpost won't even begin to tell you how laughable the attempt at cinema is. Good riddance to this series,
Regards,
Devon