Pre-final anxiety and whirlwind that is after

Finals done, YAY.
Catch my breath and recollect my thoughts. That moment that you finish that exam is pure elation. Knowing you left it out there on the table.

The road to the show was nothing enjoyable. For 2 weeks just stressing about life, the exams, and the very unfortunate outcomes that could come of it. The stress builds and mounts.

Wait... For once in my life, I went into 2 separate exams ambivalent to my emotions. It was detachment, I wish in a good way. Something at the end of November struck me over the head with a little bit of rationality.

What is the worst that happens? what if I don't pass? Why are all the people around me crying? Where did my pants go?

Well, anyways I stumbled upon the idea that I let it be for once in my life. I go in and write, and it comes out however it comes out. Overall it is an interesting feeling, uneasy even. Going 4 years with constant anxiety from a disorder to nothing for a week is insanity. After the exams I was shaken. It was a then what? should I have been in worse shape? Did I do well? I broke down and cried for the first time in awhile.

It was something that rewarded me with relief. Crying released all the anxiety from the first semester

Yeah, I cried. Big whoop wanna fight about it?

I've talked to people about how shitty finals week went. It should be a utopia. Almost done last gasp.

I have gotten back my marks recently, I passed. Didn't hit what I wanted.

But, I left everything out there. That is something to hang my hat on. It is something for all the fellow students to hang their hat on as well.

 Let yourself go and trust you have some innate knowledge that can lead you to where you want to go, as corny as that sounds. It is something that I have learned in the past 4 months. It is serving me quite well.

Regards,
Devon