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Woke up monday last week feeling like a million bucks, got over my cold and was feeling energized and fresh to death.

Woke up tuesday and felt like death. Over the past 6 days I have suffered through what are the early stages of Mononucleosis, along with that strep throat. I haven't received a call about my blood test so I guess it is 75% certain I don't have mono. Still dealing with strep and the inability to eat a lot. No appetite and energy to do a whole not. I feel like I am lying to myself when I say I don't have the energy to study. I really don't though. I tried, I am helpless, no energy and I don't retain. Studied a bit today, retained none of it. I wish I had the capability still. It is causing much anxiety to my day, my nights. Can't sleep most nights until 3 or 4. I don't plan it, the anxiety and panicky mood just eats at me. It is beginning to eat me alive and affect the mood of those around me.

I was doing so well, was getting some of the best grades and compliments for doing well. I was ecstatic about this year. Now this year represents doom and gloom, anxiety is slowly turning into me being depressed. I want to sleep and wake up and it all be better, the harshness of life is. I am just 8 hours closer to my next midterm and essay. I am playing video games to ease my anxiety, and to just let my body veg out. It is only making me feel more on edge.

I am being a whiny bitch, "that kid is sick, like I've never been sick whilst in school." That's fair, I've never walked a mile in your shoes, you have never walked a mile in my shoes that point outwards when I walk and cause a lot of knee pain, which is only getting worse. My TMJ disorder is at levels never heard of before. Woke up 4 times with a migraine last week. Which is a sign it needs to be dealt with immediately.

I've always said never put school above your health, at this point in my life I have not taken my own advice and it is seriously affecting my day to day interaction and general well being. I am down in the dumps. I can't take my own advice now, that's 2300 dollar debt on me and disappointment to those around me. It would be considered 'giving up' because I got sick for a week. But this is eating me alive, waking up in pain and angst everyday.

Whoever reads this thank you, I appreciate everything. You people represent who I am, who I have helped and made laugh.

Goodnight
Much Love to all,

Regards,

D