Learning about your body, your systems, your bones, your cells is something incredible. Whether you learn about the squamous cell, the long bone, the humerus, the fibrocartilage, or the cell make up of a ground substance; it has the same affect, holy shit that is a lot of information
I took night classes this semester because I learn better at night.
It has taken its toll by now though, My body doesn't quite enjoy the school environment. My mind races, my heart pumps as fast as it can, I get shortness of breath.
A full on panic attack. Why? Because, if I don't get this amount of questions right. If I don't retain what a cuboidus cell is my mark is gonna hit the shitter. Because, someone dictates how I am going to be successful. Regardless if I could use it in practical environments better than I could on a piece of tree mulch.
But, that is school. What school did to me last year was nothing enjoyable. Made me susceptible to an ulcer, caused pain in my legs, caused migraines.
I could deal, this year I don't feel anxiety as bad, I am not as sad. All I feel is pure anger, at nothing or nobody in particular. I have never been so angry. I can't even explain why I am angry, or justify it. I just am
If you've ever read into the brain, it memorizes things easier based on emotion felt at the time as well as focus. Typically anger doesn't help you in the memorization department. So when I don't retain information I get angry. Which builds up.
I am writing this in hopes I can channel anger into positive. But, all this is doing is putting a new spin on it.
I guess I could say in a way, I miss my sadness and anxiety, cause it is all I have known for 5 months. I don't want to be angry anymore.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone"