Realization

How much do you give?

A shit
An effort
Your sweat
Your tears
Your Years.

I am notorious for half-assing much of what I do. It is one of the things that irks me about my own personality. Whether it was learned, or I genuinely am that non-chalant in my life. These blogs could be much more refined. I could proofread. Maybe polish up my words and the look of my paragraphs.

But, to be honest. I'm not here to be an english teacher. I've always enjoyed the personable experience and learning than the structured bullshit.

I was told I should write a blog weekly to help free my mind. It helps. That and my codependency for sleep aids (es?) are what get me through the day and night. When I write, I immerse myself. I try to turn the hamsters in my brain. Somedays it works better than others. This blog might not have any meaning or purpose to get me back to writing.

What you should take away from this? Vices are dangerous, depending on what vice, it might be beneficial. Sports and hobbies are the preferred. I chose writing.

Secondly, you will never truly understand how a person feels. From happy, to sad, to depressed. Pharrell Williams could've been the saddest human being of all time when he recorded happy. People are trained individuals of hiding their feelings. It is within the confines of school, that a person learns to hide how they feel. Strangely, people choose to ignore this. Their kids are being moulded by the fear of being outed as an emotional person. A person who cries who may be mocked with homophobic slurs for crying. A person is never really given a chance to talk about how they feel because they are shut up quickly. The sudden realization coming out of high school was that...

Hey? How do I feel? Who do I tell? How can I tell people? Will I face the same judgement.


I put it to you, How did you feel coming out of high school?

How did it effect you?

Sadly, some people never come to that realization. People become more lost as time goes on, because for 12 years+ they are restricted. Their individualism becomes tarnished. They become psychologically inept to their expression. They are bottled up, depressed and left behind. Society will never understand the depths of depression. You are educated to become apathetic and through conditioning apathy is reinforced. 

Regards.
Devon