Tuesday, 28 January 2014


I come here on this blog to air my feelings. It has now been years since this blog started. I never expected I would help people, receive compliments or have someone read it. It means more than you would know. I am currently happy, on a day like today. It is hard not to be.  One day a year, people with depression are accepted, loved and told that everything will be okay. It happens during the year, but not as often as it does on a day like today.

I live day-to-day. I've learned to do that from my grandfather. He lived everyday like it might be his last.

I use a few mechanisms to help my depression.

1) Talk to the people I love
2) I will talk to someone, without knowing their name. Tell them I feel anxious.
3) I always try to look forward to something. Sometimes it is as easy as a hockey game, concert, or going to see family
4) I read other people's musings on depression.
5) I try to write a blogpost a week to get out feelings

Because the weird thing about Depression is: It is dynamic. It is never standing still. Everyone feels depression differently. Everyone has different levels of depression. Not everyone is fully aware they might have different feelings from the depressed person next to them. Which is the case, I am a cyclical depressive. I go through a monthly cycle. Like a male menstrual cycle. I've been on a low point this week.

I'm not totally aware how to control that one week where I go off the tracks. To be honest, I don't want to control it.

For those 3 weeks where I am not depressed, I am happy. I can stop and think, "Hey, I don't feel that depressed right now" and enjoy life a little bit more.

It is okay to feel depressed. It is okay to feel anxious. It is all about managing.

You cannot get frustrated that you can't be free of anxiety or mental illness. Some people will never get away from it. That's the sad truth.

There is stigma that people with mental illness are weak because they cannot overcome it.

I would argue they are stronger.

They manage, talk, and function everyday with depression. Pretending to be happy or not.

My brethren with mental illness are the strongest people I know.



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