Friday, 21 June 2013

Closure doesn't exist

In any form. You never get closure from a job well done. There is always something else to do. Can't get closure on a bad week because you know another week is around the corner. Most of all you can never really get closure from anxiety disorder. Or depression. It is something that hangs around.

No matter the medication, who you talk to, if you get money, something life changing happens. It doesn't matter. Anxiety is a stigma. You never get away from it sadly. Nor are you ever really comfortable admitting your mental health problems.

Closure is a word thrown around fair too much. Over the past 2 weeks, I've heard you get closure from finally burying a human being. You don't. In fact, it opens it more. It opens those feelings more. A persons life never ends. It has touched lives and will continue to touch lives well after they are gone. I still don't know how to grieve. I don't have an outlet. I still hear my grandpa's voice. Everyday. The burial was a closure period. It didn't bring closure.

Because of the lack of closure on grieving, I can't sleep, don't want to eat and have been very grouchy. Yet, I'm supposed to feel like it was a closed chapter.

Anxiety is never open and shut. You tell someone you have anxiety and suffer depression and they have to take your word for it. It is how they react that really affects how you react from then on.

I'm concerned for my personal health, because I can't sleep. I don't laugh, don't listen to much music. I'm frozen in the moment. Unable to move around. No one really knows what goes on in a persons head.

No one ever knows why a person feels anxiety. It culminates and manifests so quickly you are overcome by it.

I've never found closure. I'm more scared now than ever. The ones you love never last forever and that is truly the single most unfair thing about life. I will do a more detailed blogpost on my current mental state. It would be beneficial to my readers to understand my perspective.

Hug the ones you love and hug them tightly.



1 comment:

  1. Hi! I just wanted you to know I have read some of your entries and will read more when I have time. You write beautifully. Thanks for sharing part of yourself in this way!!