Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Dysthymia and Type A personality

I am competitive, I have gamer rage, I put far too much pressure on myself.

As a result, I raise my core temperature and help send my body into a frenzied state and ultimately feel like a big pile of shit. Sorry, 'poop'. It is something I have done my entire life, and as of recently it takes it to the next level. I am unsure if my ulcer is making me nauseous (or even exists), or if it is my own personality.

Puts stress on my heart, pancreas, liver and kidneys. Which are pretty important.

I suffer from Dysthymia which I hadn't known until Psych 105 this year.

Dysthymia is the suffering of depression; however, unlike depression it is never constant. It is about every 1-2 months I feel severe anxiety or depression for 2 or 3 weeks.

Which all and all isn't bad. It keeps me quite humbled, I never feel invincible or the need to be better than anyone else. I live day to day thanking the people along the way and finding ways to place positive spins on everything. I have tried very hard recently to focus on the latter. Regardless of how hard that can be sometimes. With type A personality I feel the need to preoccupy my time, and when I play videogames it does that. Later on I begin to feel the feeling of why do I play video games because at the end of the day it doesn't mean anything.

This is me, everyone has their vices, and mine is competitiveness and frustration at the tiniest things which paints me in quite the shade. Constantly looking for relief or something to take my mind off of those little things.

I take breaks from writing my blog because it is during that time I don't feel anxiety and have not much of a reason. These blogs become my own journal and tabs of how I feel from week to week.

As you follow and learn about me, I learn about myself in ways I wouldn't have known unless I put it into words.

If I wouldn't have started this blog to document my feelings I have no clue where I would be.

Thanks to those who read it and thanks to those who have taken time to get to know me.



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