Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Delusion, and its effects on anxiety.

"Devon, you need a little delusion in your life, you need to believe all the bad shit is happening so something good will happen later."

This was said to me very recently by a close friend. To be honest, she is absolutely right. I view the world with so much cynicism and pessimism that everything that happens is bad and bad shit always happens to me. With no pay off. I continue to struggle everyday believing that good things will happen as long as I endure the bad. In the past it has proven right.

I continue to wonder if life is a constant test of how many shitty things you can endure before it gives you a little nugget.

It is important for those who suffer from mental illness to have some ground to plant on. Over the past 2 weeks I have had none. I contemplated who would miss me if I am gone, and that crushed me. I haven't ever thought about that in years. Life is becoming harder to battle through, absolutely everyday is a struggle. For me, for you, for those who are less fortunate. There is a lot of issues in today's world.

Delusion is an interesting word. An idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality,... - This is the definition of delusion.

Which has so much information in it, it is harder to define. Delusion is telling yourself things that are generally believed to be good. Like "Dr. Phil is a good doctor" is a great delusion. "The Vancouver Canucks are a great hockey team"

These are delusions, OR are they? what is generally accepted as reality? People in Vancouver believe the Canucks have been one of the better teams the last 5 years. Dr. Phill pulls in hundreds of thousands or millions of viewers in any given week. Are they really that bad?

What is generally accepted as reality in my generation is: God has no bearing on life, agnostic is the way to go, bad shit happens, move on.

Here is the great thing about that, bad shit happens. Life is a mess and is often Chaotic. You must find the middle ground. That life is shitty wall to wall, but there is some beauty in chaos. Some hope to be found.

Anxiety and Depression is often a 2-way street. Ride the highs as far as they can go, and battle the lows. Because the highs will come, it is how you bounce back from all the terrible things in your life that will allow you to truly enjoy the great aspects of life. The beauty of clouds, the jokes, the laughter, enjoy those whilst you can. The Company, conversation, even a head nod. cherish the idea that people acknowledge and love you. In a way, they could know what you are going through. They could possibly have experience to what you are going through. Know that you are not alone in anything.

I've spent 2 days now convincing myself of this. That everything happens for a reason. An optimistic view for someone who has viewed life as "Shit wall to wall" (Louis CK) It is a dumb way to view everything around you. When you are at your lowest, you will find anything to cling to, anything to stand on.

Remember: the word delusion has a bad connotation in most cases.
Delusion can also be good, delusion can be very necessary in day to day life if you suffer from poor mental health.

Best Regards,

Devon

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